'It's me, hi, I'm the problem, It's me': I'm the type of person who never confirms plans, and I can tell you what goes on in my mind
I don't intend this to be a defense of flaky friends; I just want to explain what is possibly going on in the mind of someone who's flaky, ok?
I just wanna start by saying I wanna see you, just not necessarily on Saturday, ok? The plans I agreed to on Tuesday might not feel appealing on Saturday, and I rely heavily on my mood. Sometimes I don't want to go out; sometimes I'm exhausted and want to stay home in my jammies the whole day. Is that really so hard to understand?
I know I should be more responsible and not agree to the plans in the first place. Still, I genuinely want to see you, and I think I'll feel good on Saturday; it just happens that sometimes you have an unexpectedly rough week. Then, Saturday comes along, and you wanna hide under the covers and ignore all your calls.
I've tried being honest with friends about this and saying things along the lines of: Look, I'm agreeing now, but a lot of times when the day comes, I don't feel like it; I'm much better at making plans on the spot; and it has worked with some friends, but most friends simply don't understand it and take it personally.
Trust me, I tried attending the plans I already agreed to out of sheer commitment, and it always turns out horrible; I'll want to leave the entire time and bring the worst possible vibe to the function.
I guess, if I'm honest, that it has a little to do with how much desire I have to see said friend; I've gone great lengths to see friends I really wanted to see, and I'm not flaky at all on those occasions, but it's not as related to desire as people might think at first glance. I might really want to see you and not have the energy for it.
I know a friend cancelling on you last minute is objectively horrible, and I'm not defending it; I'm even trying to stop doing it completely. I'm genuinely just trying to be honest and maybe extract some understanding from the unflaky people out there.
Either way, I have to take responsibility for my actions and not make people organise their schedules around my moods, so I'll have to share the disclaimer that I can't make plans in advance.
It's selfish to expect everyone to be understanding or happy to accommodate. That said, some type of plans are easier to attend for me than others, like I love going to coffee shops and I hate going out at night, so I guess I just have to be more honest with myself and mostly just accept the plans that I like? Gosh, I hate having realizations; I can't take any more realizations this year. I need a break.